no me gusta escuela (i don't like school.)

hace frio (it's cold)

tengo caballo llamos bill (i have a horse named bill.)

Currently Listening Nothing Left to Lose By Mat Kearney see related

i love summer.

i love pop ice.

i love grilling.

i love four wheelers.

i love air conditioners.

i love my job.

i love my best friend.

i love life.

well lookee there...another semester in the books.

almost.

and another fun filled summer that i can't wait for. it's gonna be so great.

life is good.

DEATHCAB AND FRANZ!!

HECK YES!!

Currently Listening The Lime CD By David Crowder Band You Alone see related

i think my time on xanga has come to an end...

or atleast put on hold.

this past weekend i went to a women's retreat with my church. the theme was "unmasking yourself in God's glory" or something to that extent. i really considered myself unmasked already, so really i just soaked it up being around amazing Godly women and being around the girls in my small group. it was a powerful weekend, but i didn't get the effects till last night.

not to pull a pity card in any way, but when i was younger i was made fun of. a lot. i was just the easy one to pick on. and in a weird way i think i embraced it and maybe even welcomed it. last night my roommates and i were hanging out, and they were sort of giving me a hard time about stuff. it wasn't even a big deal. but it hurt me. i didn't let them in on it, of course, because i suck at showing emotion, but i went outside with my dog and sat in the recliner on our back porch. suddenly, overwhelmingly, i realized that i am so sensitive to things like this because of my past. though i was made fun of, i never thought those feelings would resurface. it's not like i cried in my pillow or yelled at them or anything. it just gave me a very empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. God unmasked me. in the craziest way possible. i don't harbor hard feelings or anything towards my comrades from middle school or even my roommates...it's more of a personal feeling of unworthiness. i'm unloved. i take stuff to heart way too hard. so when the words or actions are negative, that sticks with me. and just builds up more scar tissue on my heart. my love language is words....if you have written me a card or a note ever since 6th grade that was positive? i've kept it. things like that matter to me. so i just realized that God has unmasked me to show that inside i hurt. i'm one of those people that almost constantly needs reassurance of love and friendship. i'm also reading "captivating" right now, and if you haven't read it, you can borrow my copy. it says so much about how women tend to feel unworthy....i guess this is just one of the ways God is showing me that i'm not the only one like this....

i dunno. God's just really moving me and i'm okay with it. lent starts today, and i'm not neccesarily giving anything up, like xanga, but i'm not going to frequent it. i need to get out and make deeper friendships. i need to spend time with people and get real with them. i'm unmasked and i want people to see me this way.

i don't know if any of this has made sense...but it felt good. just know that God is always working in people's lives....He never ceases to amaze me.

thanks for reading.

love, mel